I have been hiring an escort for 9 months. I've also helped him with college classes, paid some of his legal fees, and bought him some expensive shoes recently...just because I wanted to...no strings.
I believe he is now taking me for granted. He doesn't call much anymore. We do have a session in about 3 weeks, overnight. He flies to my city.
I guess I've developed feelings for him. I mean not seriously, because I'm in my 60s, but he needed me and I just wanted to help him. I want to know what the best way to not lose that closeness that I thought we were getting.
There are a few questions here - about gifts, attachment and being taken for granted. You've also asked why your escort isn't calling you any more...but the question I really want to ask is, why was he calling you in the first place?
A relationship with a sex worker needs to stay professional. You're purchasing a service - sexual and social activities that you've pre-negotiated with your provider. Being a good client means paying the agreed fee, respecting the worker's time, and keeping your feelings in check outside the session.
You're saying you gave him gifts without obligation, but then you also say that you think he's taking you for granted...so it kind of sounds like you do have expectations. Do you expect him to call you, or tell you how much he appreciates your help? Or were you just hoping it would bring you both closer together?
A sex worker does not owe you anything outside the session time. They don't have to call you or visit you. They absolutely do not have to stay in touch. It's your job to contact him when you want a session, plan it together, enjoy the booking, then walk away.
That 'closeness' you're hoping for is part of the emotional labour your escort provides. It ends when the timer does, and you need to go back to seeing them as a professional.
You're not obligated to:
- Give gifts or tips
- Support them in any way other than paying the session fee
- Help them out in their personal lives
Your escort isn't obligated to:
- Contact you unless you're planning a session
- Disclose any personal information about themselves
- Be intimate or romantic with you, except during your session
Many clients do love to give gifts or spoil their lovers as part of the date, but that feeling of looking after someone is part of the experience that you're paying for. It shouldn't extend outside the session.
If your escort is asking for anything outside of the agreed exchange, it might be a violation of his professional boundaries...and if you're offering payments or gifts and expecting anything other than a good professional service in return, you're being unreasonable.
If one or both of you start asking or demanding favours outside the session, things can get messy. Your escort may become emotionally exhausted, or feel their privacy has been violated. It that happens, they'll cut you off. And what about you? You may be left feeling as though you gave more than you were comfortable with. That's not okay. Your escort's personal problems aren't your responsibility.
The best way to keep this situation drama-free is to stick to the professional exchange - your money for their time and service. Contact should only happen when you're planning your next date together. If you're struggling with this - or trying not to get emotionally attached - you might benefit from talking things over with a sex-positive therapist.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.