Is it okay to have feelings for the escorts you spend time with? This question might sound simple…but it’s more complicated than you think.
Over the past few years, I’ve worked helped escort clients get the most out of their bookings. I’ve chatted with guys from all over Australia, and the world. I’ve created a comprehensive online course, shared my personal experiences, and answered dozens of anonymous questions. I’ve also coached clients through difficult escort situations – times when they felt out of their depth or didn’t know what to do next.
This work has taught me a lot. I know the ways people trip up, when they’re learning to see escorts. Without a doubt, managing feelings is the biggest issue I've encountered.
"Is it genuine? Should I care about my escort? And, what happens if I start to feel too much?" These questions are almost universal. And they’re necessary to consider if you want an enjoyable relationship with your sex worker.
"Does casual sex involve feelings?"
Much of our problems with sex come from the fact that we don’t think about emotions enough. Often, we have this idea that there are only two ways to do sex:
- The ‘madly in love’ option, which is reserved strictly for long-term, committed partners.
- The ‘just friends’ option – no feelings, no complications, just sex.
When we start doing stuff that’s out of the ‘box’ of traditional relationships, like seeing escorts, it’s typical to feel as though we shouldn’t have any feelings at all. ‘Casual sex’ is supposed to be casual … that means not giving a damn, right?
Well, I disagree. Feelings can, and do, come into our sexual interactions with partners, regardless of whether they’re someone you just met or someone you’re married to. The same applies to people you pay – just because it’s a negotiated sexual encounter doesn’t mean emotions aren’t involved.
Emotion is part of every good escort encounter
I think that all good escort sex involves some degree of emotion. If we don’t have feelings, connection and care for each other, how are we going to have good sex? Here are a few feelings that might come up during an escort booking:
- Nervous anticipation
- Satisfaction at being appreciated
- Appreciating how sexy someone is
- Affection and caring
- Having a massive crush
- Intimacy and feeling connected
I can hear you saying, ‘But what about PSE, huh?’ Not every encounter is romantic – sometimes sex is fun when it’s fast and rough, or kinky, or theatrical. But in all these scenarios, the reason we’re so excited is because it’s a real person we’re connecting with. Our emotional reaction to our partners is always important.
Ignoring your feelings can be dangerous
When we try to shut off our feelings, they come up in unexpected ways.
The classic example of this is when you’ve been seeing an escort for a long time, and then suddenly realise you’ve fallen in love with them. It can come as a surprise, if you’re not aware of that attachment creeping up – and it leaves you feeling crazy about someone who can’t return the same level of affection.
On the other hand, some clients assume their encounters shouldn’t be emotional, and when feelings do come up it makes them feel uncomfortable – so they treat their escort badly, just to prove they don’t care. This isn’t fair on the escort, and it also makes for very bad sex.
Other ways mismanaging feelings can mess up your sessions:
- When you miss your escort so much that you message them all the time outside the booking, and they stop looking forward to seeing you because you’re taking up all their private time.
- When you obsessively think about them all day every day, until it makes you miserable.
- When you worry about what they think of you, making you anxious and unable to perform.
Managing your emotions is crucial for long-term success
This means giving yourself permission to have feelings and getting practised enough at digging around in your own head that the occasional unusual emotional surprise won’t alarm you. It means letting yourself enjoy your escort bookings without allowing your feelings to affect your professional relationship with your escort.
I want you to get this right, because I want you to enjoy yourself.
If you shut off all emotion and pretend you don’t care, it robs you of the chance to connect with your escort and have great sex. And if you try to ignore your emotional stuff, it might surprise you at the worst possible moment.
Get those feelings out of the closet and take them out to play...
...but don't forget to contain them inside the your escort session, where they belong.
That’s the key to a satisfying experience.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.