Is it ever okay to walk out of an escort booking? You talk about timewasters a lot but you don't talk about the other side of things - for instance what if the worker doesn't look like their pics? Do I have to stay?
What if you turn up to meet an escort, and they don't look like their photos? What if you don't get along, and it all feels too awkward? Or you arrive then realise you’re too nervous to stick around?
In these situations, is it okay to walk away?
Whether you're an escort or a client, I think leaving an uncomfortable situation is absolutely fine. But there are a few things you need to know, before you walk out that door...
Everyone has a right to say 'no'.
The thing about sex work, and sex in general, and that is that everyone has a right to say no. When you pay for the services of an escort, you’re not paying for sex; you’re paying for the opportunity to connect with another human being and to access their time and expertise. But either of you can still say no to any activity, at any time.
This means that if you’re in a booking with a sex worker and they don’t want to do a particular sexual position, or they’re not up for a particular sort of kink, or maybe they need to stop entirely for some reason, you need to respect that.
It also means that you're allowed to say ‘no’ to something, or even stop the whole booking, if it's not working for you. If you turn up and realise you’re not ready, or if you don’t like the person once you meet them, you don’t have to justify yourself. You have the right to walk away.
But, here’s the catch...
Even if you leave, you still need to pay.
Escorts are businesspeople. When we put time aside to see you, we’re giving you space in our schedules that could be taken up by other paying clients. If you choose to walk away once you’ve turned up for your escort date, that’s okay…but you do have to pay the full session fee.
This is standard practice for many businesses. Imagine, for example, you were booking a plane ticket to go on holiday. In most cases, if you decide at the last minute that you don’t want to go to Hawaii, you’re still going to be charged, for the seat, right? It’s unfair to ask a business to put space aside for you that could have been given to a paying customer.
The same is true of escorts. Whether the person doesn’t look the way you expected, you’re too nervous, or you've had a family emergency, your escort still doesn't deserve to miss out.
How much you need to pay depends on the worker. If you've turned up but the session hasn't yet started, you may be able to pay a cancellation fee. If you've already paid and begun the booking, you won't be entitled to any of your money back.
Do your homework beforehand.
So how do you avoid this problem, if you’re worried about losing that cash? Basically, by making sure you're committed to the session and doing your research to ensure you're not disappointed. I call this ‘doing your due diligence.’
Escorting is like any other industry. You’ll meet a range of people who run their businesses in different ways and have different personalities. Before you commit to an appointment, you need to make sure the person you’re choosing is professional and suits your needs.
When doing your research, I recommend:
- reading an escort’s profile thoroughly
- following them on Twitter
- checking out their selfies
When you contact them to request a session, be clear about what you want. Pay attention to the way they communicate, so you can work out if they’re professional. You might even be able to meet them for a social booking before you commit to a longer session. Whatever you choose, it’s your responsibility to look at the evidence and judge whether an escort is right for you.
Make sure you're ready before you commit.
Often, clients will get carried away during the booking process. They might contact the first escort they like the look of. They might pay a deposit or arrange a time to meet, and only realise later that they're too nervous to actually show up.
Taking your time - and making sure you're committed - will save you from these disaster scenarios. Don’t try and book with an escort until you're 100% sure of your choice, and you feel confident about following through. If you chicken out five minutes before the start of the session, it’s not fair to the worker...and they'll almost certainly ignore your future booking requests.
Doing your homework reduces the risk of a bad match. And if you wait until you're ready, your first meeting will be much less stressful. Hopefully - if you put the effort in first - you won't find yourself needing to walk away.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.