To newcomers, the sex industry sometimes feels like a scary place.
After all, the media tells us that sex work isn't a real job, right? We're led to believe that the industry is full of scammers and fakes, people who just want to take your money and run.
Many escort clients worry that they'll put down a deposit on a session, never to hear from that escort again. Or they might be concerned that the lady they book won't match the photos they've seen online. Sometimes it's just about vulnerability - getting naked with someone new, and being afraid of judgement.
How can you ensure you'll be treated fairly? Here are a few ideas.
First, you need to know that sex work is just like any other type of business.
Before I share my strategies for choosing a pro, I'd also like to reassure you that the industry is much more professional than you might think.
Escorting is a business like any other - we're looking for regular customers. My income as a sex worker comes mostly from repeat clients. It's simply not in our best interests to scam you.
But you still need to choose carefully. Like any other kind of business, you're going to meet people with varying levels of experience and professionalism. It's your job to do your homework before you commit, to ensure you've chosen someone who can give you a good experience.
Sometimes a session goes wrong, but it's not your escort's fault.
Sometimes, guys who see escorts do end up in situations where they feel unfairly treated. Often, this nothing to do with their sex professional. For example:
- A client might forget to ask about a particular sexual service they're interested in, then be disappointed when they turn up and their escort doesn't offer what they're looking for.
- Or they might become enamoured of an escort's professionally-retouched advertising photos, and forget that they're meeting a real-life person. A professional pic shows us in our best light, but we're not supermodels (unless you're paying for one).
- Occasionally, a customer will be rude, pushy, or have poor personal hygiene...and when they receive a bad service they feel they've been cheated. But even the most professional escort will lose enthusiasm when dealing with an unpleasant client!
- Lastly, sometimes it's a case of self-sabotage. When a client is anxious or ashamed, they might make things worse by drinking too much, behaving strangely, or demanding a long list of sexual acts. All of this makes the escort's job much more difficult, and often the session will go badly.
If you've done any of the above, please know you're not alone! It's easy to get things wrong, especially when you're new to it. The key is to be mindful of where you went wrong, and avoid the problem the next time around.
How to do your research before you book an escort
Perhaps you're simply worried about investing so much money in an experience that may not turn out the way you hope. That's totally understandable. How can you ensure you've made the right choice?
I think it's all about doing your homework. When it comes to seeing sex workers, independent escorts are a great option because there’s generally so much information available online. Once you find someone you’d like to see, it’s possible find out a lot about them to help you make your final decision.
Here are a few ways to research your escort and ensure their professionalism. They take a little extra work, but they're well worth the peace of mind!
Find out how long they've been in business.
An experienced, well-established escort is a much safer bet than an unknown newcomer.
Luckily, there are a few ways to tell how long they've been around. You can check the age of their Twitter profile or read their blog. How far back do their posts go? Do they mention how long they've been in business?
Testimonials and reviews can also help indicate how long they've been established - someone who's been around for years will often have more testimonials on their advertisements and on their website.
This isn't a hard-and-fast rule - escorts sometimes don't allow themselves to be reviewed, even if they've been in business for a long time. But if you do find someone with lots of comments beside their name, it could be a good sign.
Look at as many photos as possible
Guys often worry that a real-life escort won't match their photos.
This is a particularly common issue when dealing with escort agencies, where a manager might send the first available worker out to a job, rather than the one whose photo was used in the advertisement. It's one of the reasons I always recommend independent escorts rather than agencies!
If you're checking out a private worker, it's still helpful to keep in mind that a picture is only one angle, and professional retouching can also sometimes give clients unrealistic expectations.
I recommend looking at your escort's social media (such as Twitter) for selfies. They may also have a 'selfie gallery' on their website. If you can't find any selfies, look at as many pics of your escort on as many platforms as possible (social media, website, advertising sites...) This will give you a more realistic idea of what they look like.
3.When you contact your escort, be honest about exactly what you want.
Sometimes customers are uncomfortable talking about sex, and forget to ask for what they need. But unless you tell your escort what you want, they won't be able to confirm that they're a good match for you.
Each escort offers a different style of service and range of services - it's not a one-size-fits-all situation. If the sexual activity you're looking for doesn't suit the person you want to do it with, it's better to find out earlier rather than later!
Of course, talking about sex isn't always possible, especially if you're based somewhere such as the USA where clients and workers can't discuss services openly. So please keep that in mind, and use your discretion.
Invest in a coffee date, a chat on the phone, or a social booking.
Many escorts have special rates social encounters. If the person you're considering does offer these services, it's well worth considering.
Types of social bookings might include:
- Online sessions - you may be able to video or voice chat with your escort. These sessions might be friendly or explicit, depending on what they offer. Either way, they're a great way to break the ice and get to know someone new.
- Coffee dates - some workers offer short social dates. These social sessions are help in a bar or café, and although they're not hands-on they're a great way to work out if you both get along. Because the meeting is in person, you'll know exactly what they look like, and you can assess that all-important sexual chemistry!
- Social dates - perhaps you'd like to take your escort out to dinner, or see a movie together, without any expectation of sex afterwards? Many escorts have lower rates for social-only session. A social meeting is less of an investment, but still allows you to get comfortable with your new playmate. Once you do progress to a sexy session, you'll have a much better rapport.
These options will all cost, but they're a good investment. Why risk wasting hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on a longer session, when you can test the waters first? Once you've reassured yourself that you both get on well, you'll be able to commit to a longer date with confidence.
This might seem like hard work...but it's worthwhile.
You might be thinking, "This sounds like so much effort!" And honestly, it does take a little extra work.
But spending time with escorts can be an expensive hobby. When you've invested the time, money, and effort into a date with someone new, it's simply too risky to leave everything to chance.
Doing your homework before you commit has a lot of benefits:
- You'll feel more confident when you meet your escort, because you won't be plagued by those 'what if I get scammed?' worries.
- If you've already met or spoken with them, you'll be able to get comfortable with them much more quickly.
- You're less likely to be treated badly, or be let down by someone inexperienced
An experienced escort client makes doing this research a fun part of the process. Find a comfortable seat, pour yourself a glass of wine (or a cup of tea) and give yourself some time to read reviews, peruse photos, and fantasise about all the things you'd like to do together.
Then, once it's time to book, you'll be able to spend big, knowing you've done your due diligence.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.