I’m a 25 years old virgin guy who has never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl due to insecurity problems. I know that in the end what I want is a romantic relationship, and that I need to get over my insecurities to achieve that.
But I’m also really curious about sex and I want to experience it, although I feel like some connection would be important to me, because I don’t want to feel like I’m using another person for my physical pleasure as if she was a Fleshlight or a sex doll.
I’ve been thinking about escorts a lot recently, but I don’t know… Could escorts really be a good option for me? How can I have sex with connection if my actions could easily be seen as desperate and cause pity? Would it become a problem in the future if a girlfriend or potential girlfriend found out? Would I need to take that secret to my grave?
Here's a fact: people can, and do, choose to see a sex worker to lose their virginity.
Sometimes it’s a deliberate move, to ‘get it out of the way’ so that they can relax and start dating regular people without feeling anxious about their lack of sexual experience. Or, if someone hasn't found the right partner yet, it can be a way to explore their sexuality on their own terms.
Is it right for everyone? No. But it's a great option for some.
Sex work is a service...it's not the same as dating.
Escorts provide a service - they create an experience tailored to suit your specific needs. When you book a session with a sex worker there’s less time to make an emotional connection than if you were dating someone in the long term.
Don't get me wrong, the connection is still there, but it’s going to feel different to being with a partner you've known for months. If you're hung up on the idea that sex needs to happen alongside love and commitment, an escort might not tick the right boxes for you.
But there are other advantages. If you choose the right person, your session could be a lot safer than picking up a stranger. And if you tell your escort you're a virgin, they're almost guaranteed to treat you with extra special care and attention.
But it's also not about using someone.
Having said that, seeing an escort isn't just about the physical - there's definitely an opportunity to get to know them as a person.
Good sex isn't about taking advantage of someone for your own pleasure...it's about finding someone you like and then working out what you'd both enjoy doing together. Everyone participates! Ideally, there's a lot of communication before and during the sexy stuff, so you can be sure you playmate is enjoying themselves.
"Will I feel ashamed of myself afterwards?"
How you feel about losing your virginity to an escort depends on how you feel about sex, and sex work.
If you think that only desperate, creepy guys see escorts, or you feel ashamed about sex in general, you might come away from the experience with a negative interpretation of the whole affair. The key to enjoying your paid sexual experience is to start out with the right attitude.
Plenty of guys (and more than a few ladies) see escorts to have their sexual needs met. It's not about being desperate. If you don't feel guilty paying for a massage or a nice meal, why feel guilty about paying for this? It's just another type of service.
"Will my future girlfriend judge me for this?"
If/when you meet someone in the future and start having a long-term relationship, there's definitely a danger of being judged.
Unfortunately, due to the fact that society is so down on sex work, your future SO may have picked up some negative ideas. This means they might give you a hard time about the fact that you saw a sex worker.
You have a few choices: hope for the best, try to choose a future lover who's openminded about sex, or skip the escort idea entirely. It’s your job to decide whether your needs now are more important than the risk of being judged in the future.
Personally, if any of my partners judged me for my past sexual adventures, I’d DTMFA.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.