"How can I ask an escort on a date?"

"How can I ask an escort on a date?"

Georgie Wolf
Georgie Wolf
I am interested to know if escorts date? How would I go about asking an escort out on a date? Do they expect high-end luxury dates or just romantic ones? I am not seeing any escorts so the "don't date a client" rule doesn't apply and I don't care that she does escorting for work.

I love this question, so much to unpick here! So, just to summarise, you're not an escort client, you're just someone who would like to date an escort in their personal life, and you want to know how to go about it.

I can answer this. But first, I need to ask...

Why do you want to date an escort?

A lot of guys say, 'I'd love to date an escort'. But focusing on someone's job isn't the best way to go about finding a partner.

Is it because you think escorts are all glamorous, model-attractive and worldly? I'm sorry to disappoint, but sex workers are just regular people. When the makeup comes off and we're home from work, we look (and act) like anyone else you'd see in the street. Outside of our paid time, we don't make any more effort to dress or groom ourselves than the average.

Are you looking for an ego boost, or to achieve status or street cred? The idea of dating an escort might be exciting because it makes you feel like a certain type of person - someone who dates 'perfect tens' and lives a glamorous, hedonistic lifestyle. This is the fantasy of escort work - the stuff we present to clients - not the reality. Even if you did date a sex worker, they'd probably get annoyed if you asked them to dress up and go out with you just so you could show them off! The same applies to bragging rights - telling your mates you're shagging an escort is a bit of a dick move.

Is it because you think escorts are all good in bed? Sure, we might be experienced, but there's no guarantee you're going to get the same treatment as a paying client. A sex work session is all about the customer - they're provided with an experience that fits their needs, and they compensate us for the effort we put in. But in our personal lives, we're just like regular people - we might not be that interested in sex, or we might have preferences that you don't necessarily vibe with.

Is it because the idea of us being sex experts turns you on? Sexualizing us for our work isn't okay unless you're actually paying us. If you were dating a fireman (or firewoman), would you wait till they got home from work and then tell them their uniform turned you on? (And how would they feel about that, if they'd spent the last few hours trying to save a dying child rushed from a burning building, or just pulled someone from a car wreck?)

As professionals, we deal with a lot of crap, and the last thing we want when we come home from work is to be fetishized.

If you're more focused on what someone does for a living than who they are as a person, it can feel degrading. Like wanting to date a masseuse for the back rubs, or romancing an airline pilot to get frequent flyer points, it's more about your own needs than the needs of your potential partner. And that's a real turn-off.

What’s the difference between having a “type” and fetishisation?
I can tell from the way the person talks to me, the topics they choose to speak about, the manner in which they treat me, the tone with which they discuss race, if they discuss it at all.

Is it because you think you'll get brownie points for tolerating our work? Sometimes I get emails from guys 'offering' to date me. They assume that because I'm a sex worker, I'm a social outcast who will jump at the chance to be accepted as a romantic partner.

But that's not how it works. Sex workers date, get married, and have kids, all while continuing on in their careers. The people we date are regular folks that we meet in our regular lives, and with whom we have things in common (not just a mutual acceptance/understanding of sex work).

How to ask an escort on a date

I think you probably know by now what I'm about to say, right?

If you're hoping to date an escort...you need to let go of that fantasy. It's simply not going to work - your potential mate will feel objectified, and you'll probably feel disappointed once you realize they're an ordinary human being.

If you're tempted to hit up sex workers for dates...please, don't. Go find someone you care about as a human being, and with whom you have shared interests. It will make for a much better relationship.

Escort dates versus ‘civvie’ dates: what’s the difference?
Some people assume that seeing an escort is just about paying for sex, and there’s no point making friends. But I disagree.