There's an old saying, 'He couldn't get a root in a brothel.' And sometimes, it's true.
In my time working in Melbourne parlours, I've seen quite a few guys leave empty-handed (so to speak.) Sometimes it was because they had no intention of actually handing over any cash; they were just there to look. But, sometimes, they did or said things so objectionable that none of the ladies would actually see them.
'Couldn't get a root in a brothel' is meant as an insult - suggesting someone is hopeless - but I think it's unfair. After all, there's very little information about the sex industry - how are you supposed to know how to get it right the first time? I often felt sorry for those guys, and I wished someone had taken them aside and pointed out their error.
Something similar can happen when you're trying to book an escort. If your emails, text messages or Twitter messages aren't getting a response, you might be making one of the classic mistakes below.
Read on to find out what to avoid.
You've asked if we're 'available now'
Although some escorts (particularly those who are touring) might book in same-day sessions, there's no such thing as a 'right now' booking - we need to prepare, and you need to travel to our location (or vice versa).
Many escorts require that you book at least a day or two ahead. Saying 'avail now?' is a waste of everyone's time.
I recommend reading your escort's advertisement and noting their requirements for advance notice. Booking earlier is always better.
You haven't given us the information we need
Every booking request should have your name, the day and time you'd like to meet, and how long you want to spend with us. Any less than that, and it might seem like you're not serious.
Tyre-kickers are super common in the sex industry and it's easy for an escort to mistake you for a time-waster if you don't provide the essential info.
You're too sexually explicit
I know it's easy to get horny and carried away, and some guys think that because we're sex workers, we like to be 100% sexual 100% of the time. But that's not how this works.
We're business people, and your first contact with us needs to show that you'll treat us like a human being rather than an blow-up doll. Don't send shirtless photos, explicit sexual descriptions, invasive personal questions, or (god forbid) dick pics. All of the above might send your enquiry straight to the trash. There's plenty of time for dirty talk once you've actually arrived at your session (and paid for it). Until then, keep things polite and friendly.
Your text or direct message says, 'hey', 'hey babe' or 'hi'
You might message your mates and say, 'Hey, what's up?' But that's not how you book a professional.
A good SMS or Twitter DM is the same as a good email - it introduces you ('Hi, I'm Steve.'), is clear about what you're looking for ('Are you available at 2pm tomorrow for a one-hour booking?') and treats your escort like a human being ('Please let me know, thanks!') For bonus points, check how an escort prefers to be contacts; if their ad asks for an email, don't send them a Twitter DM.
You ask us to send you pics
An escort's online ad is designed to give you everything you need to work out if that person is right for you. It will have a description, photos, and (in most cases) information on the services they provide.
Please don't ask for more images. Sure, you might worry that the pics on the website aren't accurate, but asking for more only makes you look like a 'pic collector' who isn't serious about making a booking. Instead, check out your escort's website or social media (Twitter is great for this) and see if they've posted any extra pics or selfies.
Having realistic expectations and doing you research first are the best ways to ensure you're not disappointed.
You've screwed up in the past
Even if your send the perfect message, it's possible that you may have contacted that escort in the past when you were less experienced and said something that was a bit questionable.
Escorts have long memories, and if you looked like a time-waster they might ignore your message now regardless of how well it's written. This, I'm sorry to say, is just one of those things - you'll need to put it down as a learning experience and try someone new.
It's easy to make these mistakes if you're new to seeing escorts. But you're going to have more success if your first contact is on point - and when it is, we'll look forward to meeting you much more, because we'll know you're a great client.
Want more information? Click here to find out how to write a good booking enquiry.