So...you’re ready to book a date with an escort. But how do you start the conversation? What should that first message or email actually say?
Perhaps you’re new to this...you’ve spent ages searching online on escort directories or classifieds. You’ve found someone you like, your fingers are poised over the keyboard or ready to dash off a quick text message.
Wait just a moment. Read this first.
Before you start, there are a few things you really need to know about arranging a session with an escort. Knowing these simple rules is the difference between having an amazing date, or an awkward one...or, perhaps, not getting a date at all.
Escorts: A quick definition
Here’s my basic definition of an escort: it’s anyone who runs their own business, offering hands-on sexy services in exchange for payment. A date with an escort often closely resembles a real-life date: you might go out to dinner together, talk for hours, and spend time getting to know each other. Or, like a good hook up, you might jump straight into bed together and discover some sizzling sexual chemistry.
When it comes to the professionals, it’s a choose-your-own-adventure. Because you’re paying someone to create a sexy experience for you, you have much more freedom to ask for what you really want.
A lot of guys assume that because they’re paying, the way they approach sex workers doesn’t matter. But they’re wrong. Read on to find out why...
How you book an escort REALLY matters.
Lots of folks think that seeing a sex worker is as easy as ordering a pizza: you call up, tell them what you want and then a package of delicious goodness arrives at your front door. Unfortunately, an escort isn’t a Super Supreme Thin-n-Crispy.
When you email or text an escort, you’re not just ordering up a service; you’re negotiating with someone who is both a businessperson and a human being. When you make contact with a sex worker, they’re going to spend the whole time they read your message trying to work out:
- Whether you’re serious about booking, or just wasting their time
- How safe, polite and respectful you’ll be in person
- If you’re a genuine client (especially in countries where sex work is outlawed, because they might be worried you’re trying to entrap them)
- What kind of experience or services you might want, and whether they can give you what you’re looking for
That’s quite a few boxes to tick, before we even agree to meet you!
If you’re polite, serious, and treat them professionally, an escort:
- Will reply to you faster
- Is more likely to say ‘yes’ to meeting up with you
- May be more willing to spend time answering your questions
- Will be more enthusiastic when you finally spend time together
On the other hand, if your very first contact makes a bad impression, you’re in for some problems...
What happens if you send an unsatisfactory booking message?
So, what happens if you dash off any old message to an escort you’ve found online, and hope for the best?
There are a number of possible outcomes - and none of them are good. Here are a few ways things can go wrong:
- If your message is full of explicit words and suggestions, your escort might never see it in the first place - it may get picked up by their spam filters and sent straight to the trash.
- If your writing is careless, full of spelling errors, hard to read, or doesn’t include the specific details of when and where you’d like to meet, the escort might assume you’re a time waster and ignore your message. After all, if you haven’t put much effort into your communication, she might assume you won’t put any effort into showing up.
- If you don’t provide screening information such as your name and mobile number, you might appear unsafe. Although clients often worry about giving out their personal details, it’s essential. Your worker needs to feel safe, or they won’t agree to meet you.
- If you’re not specific about what you want - the day, time, and length of the session, and where you want to meet them - they might think you’re not organised enough and decline to accept your booking request.
If you’ve sent multiple emails or texts to escorts and have never received a reply, it’s possible that your inquiry just isn’t up to scratch. Often, escorts will simply ignore messages that don’t appear genuine. After all, we’re busy people too!
Even if your poorly-written message leads to a sex worker accepting your booking, it can also result in you getting a bad service. If your escort has spent ages trying to work out what you want, or if it’s taken twenty messages back and forth before they have all the information they need, they’ll have less energy and enthusiasm left to spend during your time together.
That means less fun, less enthusiasm, and (probably) bad sex. If you want your escort to look forward to meeting you rather than dread it, sending an excellent first message is crucial.
How to write a good booking request
Now that you know why this is important, here’s my personal guide on how to write a really good message to request a session with an escort.
Whether you’re starting out or having trouble getting an escort to reply to your messages, following this step-by-step process can help.
Georgie says: "It’s a lot like dating. Booking an escort is like asking someone out when you have a crush on them - you want to present yourself in the best way possible."
Think about the first impression you’re making. Are you showing that you’re someone who can be trusted? Are you organised? Do you know what you want? Have you worked out all the details of the session - the day and time you’d like to meet, and where you’d like the date to take place? Doing this work in your head beforehand makes you look like you know what you’re doing.
Here are the steps to follow when contacting an escort.
Step 1: Introduce yourself
Tell them your name, a little about yourself, and how you heard about the escort you’re contacting. This allows us to get to know you a little better.
Hi, I’m Joe. I saw your ad online and I’m getting in touch to ask about arranging a session with you.
Step 2: List the specifics - when, where, and how long.
Unless an escort has the exact details of the session you want, they can’t work out whether they’re free to see you. Not all escorts are available 24/7, and we often need to plan ahead! Your escort will also need to know whether you want an incall or outcall (and if it’s an outcall, they’ll need to know the name of the hotel or the suburb where you want them to visit).
Are you available on Tuesday the 31st of July at 6pm for two hours? I’d like to meet you at the Crown Plaza in Melbourne.
Note: In some states of Australia, incalls are prohibited by law. You might not be able to directly ask, without sounding suspicious. Instead, try saying, ‘Do you have any suggestions for where we could meet?’
Step 3: Ask for what you want
A lot of escort clients assume that every escort session is the same, and that they don’t need to talk about what kind of sex they want. Or they might feel too embarrassed to open up about the kind of experience they’re hoping to have. If this is you, it’s totally understandable!
But in order for an escort to give you a good service, they need to know what kind of experience you want. That means getting specific about the particular services or activities you’re interested in.
This doesn’t need to be complicated - and it shouldn’t turn into a porn essay, either. Just list a few things you’d like to try, so that your escort can tell you whether they provide those services. No need to be shy - we’re very open minded!
I’m interested in a session that involves a bit of light spanking (both giving and receiving), is that something you’re into?
A note for USA clients:
In places where sex work is criminalised, such as the USA, you won’t be able to ask for services - or talk about sex at all - in your message. Talking about swapping sex for money is a big no-no. Unfortunately, this means that in order to ask for specific sexual services, you’re going to need to meet an escort and get to know them a little first before you can talk specifics.
If your escort says ‘no’ to a particular activity, don’t be offended. We’re all different in what we enjoy! It’s better to find out now, than to go on a date together and then discover that you’re not compatible. NEVER try to talk a sex worker into doing something that they’ve said ‘no’ to - it will only make us dislike you, and you’ll get a very bad service.
‘Message mistakes’ to avoid
During my time in the sex industry, I’ve noticed that some issues come up over and over. Here are some of the most common ‘first contact’ etiquette mistakes that clients make. You’ll want to avoid these at all costs!
- Poorly-written text messages - I know it can be tempting to use slang or abbreviations...after all, that’s often how we talk with our friends online and via sms, right? But your message to an escort needs to be professional, no matter how you send it. That means skipping the ‘Hey hru’ and ‘you avail?’ and putting together a few whole sentences. If you don’t, your escort may assume you’re a timewaster.
- Sexting and raunchy chat - It might also be tempting to go into a lot of sexy detail about the stuff you want. Even thinking about seeing an escort can make you pretty horny, right? But now’s not the time. You need to treat your escort like a pro until you actually meet them in person - that means no dirty talk, and DEFINITELY no dick pics. (Extra tip: If sexting and dirty talk is a way you build anticipation for a booking, consider asking your escort if they can offer this kind of service for an extra fee.)
- Asking basic questions that are covered in our advertising - When you book an escort, you need to be prepared. That means reading their ad or website thoroughly so you don’t ask any obvious questions. Things like ‘How much do you charge?’ or ‘Where are you located?’ will alert your escort to the fact that you haven’t done your homework.
- Asking for sex without a condom - Escorts care about safer sex! We need to stay healthy and STI-free in order to work. Please don’t ask us for services that aren’t protected! We’ll simply say ‘no’, and it could cost you the chance to meet up.
- Requesting additional photos - Sometimes a client might worry that his escort won’t look like her photos in person, and ask for more images so that he can feel reassured. While I understand the nervousness, it’s not okay to ask for pics. Instead, do your research. Follow your escort on social media and check out their selfies, or search their website so you can see all the images they have to offer.
- Last-minute or late-night messages - this might not be a rule for everyone, but most escorts prefer a little notice when planning a session. An ‘Are you free now?’ message is rarely answered, because most escorts simply can’t be available all the time. If you send a lot of last-minute or late-night messages, your escort may assume you don’t value their time due to the lack of courtesy.
"Okay, I’ve contacted an escort. What happens now?"
Once you’ve sent that message, you need to wait. This is the hardest bit - it might take a worker two or three days to get back to you, and all that wondering can be nerve wracking!
But it’s important to resist the urge to send follow-up messages. Your escort is a businessperson, and they probably have their hands full with other work (and other clients). If you spam them over and over, they’ll probably decide they don’t want to see you.
Instead, take a deep breath, put your phone or computer away, and find something to distract yourself for a few days. In due course, you should hear back with a 'yes' or 'no'.
If you've waited a few days and haven't received a reply, it might be time to try the next worker on your list. And if you contact a few workers and never hear back, re-read the 'dos' and 'don't's above to make sure you haven't accidentally said anything inappropriate.
Now you know how to make a great first impression.
Arranging an escort booking takes a bit of thought, to ensure everything goes well. But once you’re on your way, you’ll be glad of the time you invested in crafting a good booking request. Because when you act and sound like a gentleman at first contact, your escort will be delighted to meet you - and you’ll have a much better date.
Need some tips on what to do next, once your sex worker says 'yes' to a meeting? Check out my comprehensive guide, 'Getting Started with Escorts'.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.