4 ways to disaster-proof your next escort date

I had a disastrous booking recently, but it wasn’t my fault.

A friendly, middle-aged guy from the country had decided to engage a friend and I for a doubles session. It was his first time seeing an escort, so it was a big deal! We had planned to join him for dinner, get to know each other, then return to his hotel room for an amazing night of threesome sex.

Unfortunately, the evening didn’t go according to plan.

My client was so nervous that by the time we arrived to meet him, he had already downed an entire bottle of champagne. We entered his hotel room to find him sitting on the bed with his shirt untucked, dishevelled, and so drunk that we could barely understand what he was saying.

He couldn’t remember where he'd put all the money that he owed us for the session. He didn’t want to go out to dinner...and when we suggested taking him to bed, he jumped up and called room service for more wine. We could tell he wasn’t ready to see an escort – let alone two at once. He knew it too. But he'd tried to push through anyway, by drinking himself into a stupor. All that he achieved was to look unattractive and leave us frustrated.

We ended the date after an hour or so, figuring he needed to sleep and sober up. I'm one-hundred-percent certain he called his mates the next day and told them, 'I booked an escort and she turned up, took my money and just left!' But we'd done our best. The disaster was all of his own making.

This kind of stuff happens to clients all over the world. Often, it's nobody's fault - the sex worker is doing their best, and the customer simply doesn't know how to handle themselves in a new, uncomfortable situation. But it's a tragedy when a date goes wrong, because it robs you of the chance to have a truly great experience...not to mention wasting your time and money!

Here are four ways to help disaster-proof your next booking. They're a few simple strategies to keep in mind, to head off potential problems and keep your session on the right track.

Why you need to know this

You might be thinking ‘Why bother disaster-proofing? Isn’t it an escort’s job to take care of everything?’

It’s true that a good escort will guide you through. They'll make you feel supported, no matter your level of confidence. But we can only do so much, and the vibe (and amount of champagne) that you bring to your date can easily hamper our efforts.

We only have a limited amount of energy that we can devote to each customer. If you make the encounter hard work - because you’re not sure what you want, or you're not making an effort to be friendly and helpful - then your worker might lose their enthusiasm. When that happens, your session is going to feel awkward, and you'll get a bad service.

1. Be honest about what you need.

A successful booking starts with self knowledge. What do you need out of this? Then you need to communicate this to your worker.

An date with a sex worker isn’t just about getting laid. There are many reasons we get sexy, including sex, touch, attention, talk, trying new fantasies, and even kink play. When you’re searching for the right escort, make sure you tell them what sort of activities you're hoping for. That way, they won't have to guess when you meet up.

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If you're in a location where sex work is criminalised, such as the USA, it's not usually possible to talk openly about sexual services when arranging to meet an escort. So instead of mentioning specific activities, you may need to describe the kind of experience you're looking for, eg, "I'd like a low-key evening where we relax together," or "I'd love to feel spoiled and appreciated." Once you've gotten intimate, and your worker has made it clear it's safe to talk about sexy stuff, you'll be able to ask about specifics.

Part of this communication also involves being honest with your worker about your level of experience. If you're new to this and unsure of yourself, it's important they know so that they can guide you through. Likewise, if you're super anxious, your escort needs to be informed so that they can reassure you that everything is okay.

2. Put some effort into how you present yourself.

How you present yourself will affect how well your sex worker treats you.

It's not about being young, conventionally attractive or confident - a good sex professional won't judge you for any of that. Rather, it's about showing you see your encounter as special and trying to appear at your best.

This means taking some care with your personal hygiene and dressing up as though you were going on a regular date. Trim those nails, give yourself a fresh shave, and make sure you look and smell like someone that's fun to get close to. After all, this is a person you're about to get intimate with! If you don't smell or feel good, it's going to be very hard for your worker to give you an enthusiastic service.

Lastly...this might be obvious, but being well-presented also means being sober. A drink to calm your nerves is fine, but being visibly drunk is not - it will make your escort nervous, and might put you in an unsafe situation where you can't communicate your needs. If you're hoping to go all the way, it might also interfere with your ability to get a hard-on.

3. Make an effort in the bedroom, too.

A good date isn't just about picking a skilled escort, lying back and letting the magic happen. Your effort matters too.

I've met a few clients who 'starfished' - simply lay there, waiting to be pleasured. It wasn't much fun. It’s not just the escort’s job to make everything happen – it takes two to tango! If you want a mutually pleasurable experience (one where your escort is enthusiastic about being intimate with you), the starfish manoeuvre isn't recommended.

A great way to make an effort is to ask your worker, 'How do you like to be touched?' Follow their instructions and demonstrate that you care about their pleasure too. If you'd like to take turns pleasuring each other, the two-minute game can be a fun way to experiment. For bonus points, learn how to check in with your worker using, 'how does that feel'? It's an excellent way to ensure your date is having as much fun as you are.

You don't need to be experienced at this. Even if your sex moves feel uncertain or awkward, your escort will appreciate that you're making an effort.

4. Prepare for the day-after blues

Feeling sad after sex? It might be the phenomenon known as ‘drop’.

During sex, our brains release natural ‘happy’ chemicals, such as dopamine and serotonin, in huge amounts. Unfortunately, we only have a limited supply of these our bodies. This means that we sometimes run a little low a day or two later, leading to a low mood that kinksters call ‘drop’. It sometimes feels like sadness, but can also show up as irritability, tiredness or vagueness.

Drop is hard to avoid. The best defence is looking after your body by drinking lots of water, eating well and getting a good night’s sleep after your date. If you know this might happen, you'll be much less likely to worry that something is seriously wrong, and you'll be able to ride it out.

At the end of the day, nobody wants a disaster.

When you spend time with an escort, both yourself and your worker want the same thing - a pleasant, stress-free encounter. And although your escort will do their best to make this happen, your actions have a big impact too.

By taking a few steps to disaster-proof your date - being honest about what you want, presenting yourself well, making an effort in the bedroom, and preparing for unexpected emotional swings - you'll avoid drama and get the most out of your date.