Why do some escorts negatively view clients that genuinely enjoy giving pleasure, as just ego stroking? Judging by some of the disparaging comments on Twitter, one would think it's a crime.
Let's get something straight: there's nothing wrong with pleasing others.
Being generous in the bedroom is a noble goal, and one of the essential elements of what Dan Savage calls 'Good, Giving, and Game' (GGG). If you enjoy giving back rubs, love going down on ladies, and get turned on when your partner comes, that's great!
Unfortunately, it's not always that straightforward. Sometimes, clients forget to acknowledge that 'giving' is also for their own enjoyment. Instead of finding a balance between what turns them on and what their escort actually likes, they demand a performance of pleasure that's exhausting for their professional.
These kinds of situations might be a problem for you:
- You see getting your escort off as a measure of how good you are in bed. If their orgasm is tied to your ego, you might be putting pressure on your them to come even when they don't want or need to.
- You get turned on by watching your escort experience pleasure in specific ways, and insist on them. What if your escort doesn't want to use toys? What if they're not into cunnilingus? Pressuring your partner into a 'pleasurable' activity isn't fun for them.
- You want to prove you're generous by 'giving' pleasure and refusing to 'receive'. If you have something to prove, this kind of one-sided exchange can make the session feel forced and unnatural. You're also assuming that your escort prefers to receive than to give - and you simply don't know if that's true!
- You're so worried about your escort genuinely enjoying themselves that you ask 'Are you just pretending to have fun?' or 'Did you just fake your orgasm?' Questions like this often make your companion feel pressured to over-perform, which is tiring (and definitely not genuine).
This is why escorts complain about guys who say they're into 'giving pleasure'. The phrase 'he doth protest too much' often rings true! The more someone talks about how generous they are in bed, the more likely they are to be pushy and demanding in an attempt to satisfy their own ego.
After a couple of bad experiences, it's understandable that escorts might be a little wary.
Georgie says: "I've personally experienced how frustrating it is to come for real, only to have the client assume I'm pretending, because it didn't look or sound the way he expected it to. It makes me feel as though I have to dramatically fake every orgasm, just to convince him I'm genuine!"
Of course, I'm not assuming that you're guilty of any of the above. Perhaps you genuinely enjoy giving, and you're careful not to demand anything of the sex workers you spend time with.
If so, my advice is to stop talking about it, and let your actions speak for themselves. Rather than declaring how much you enjoy pleasing someone, just turn up and do so, without making a big deal out of it.
Being genuinely generous in bed means:
- Getting skilled up on sex - learning your anatomy, and reading up on skills such as how to find the g-spot and how to give great oral
- Asking what your escort enjoys, rather than assuming
- Respecting their boundaries and following their directions, even if that means you're missing out on a few of your turn-ons
- Paying attention to see if you're getting a good response, and adjusting your technique without being asked
- Not putting pressure on them to come - because doing so usually guarantees they won't
- Not asking for reassurance about your sexual prowess
If you want a genuine encounter, you'll need to have realistic expectations.
Your escort may or may not respond the way you want - it just depends on the day, your connection, and what you both decide to do together. If you place all your hopes for the session on one or two specific activities (such as getting them off or going down on them), you risk disappointment. Better to have a few activities in mind and be open to trying what feels right in the moment.
Don't forget to allow yourself to receive pleasure too.
Even when those genuine, mutually enjoyable moments happen, it's still an experience your escort is creating for you. If you relax and let us do our work, things will flow much more smoothly.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.