In my life when I meet people & develop a bond over time I naturally want to know about their life. I also think this is a true with an escort. Over time, doing research & innocently saying or asking the wrong thing I’ve learnt that the personal is off-limits. What advice would you give a client when talking face to face with an escort?
This is a question about boundaries.
When it comes to conversation, boundaries are the invisible lines we draw in our lives between the stuff we do want to share with others, and the stuff we don’t. Everyone has things they are comfortable talking about with strangers and things they’d rather not discuss – and we all know this, right? Otherwise we’d all start telling the check-out person at K-Mart about our messy breakups or personal problems!
The problem is, sex makes things complicated. So even though you may only have just met an escort, the fact that you’re getting naked with them can make the boundaries seem blurry – it might seem okay to talk about personal stuff because you’re doing personal stuff.
But a relationship with a sex worker follows the same process as getting to know anyone else. You need to give them time to trust and open up to you.
Also: as professionals, there are some things we’re never going to want to share, no matter how long we have known you. This may include details of our private lives, families, or other jobs. We might also be wary of anything that could risk our safety, such as telling you where we live.
A good rule of thumb is to stick to conversation topics that concern the stuff you’re doing together. If you go out to dinner, it’s okay to ask them what their favourite food is. If you’re getting up to something kinky, it’s okay to ask what else they’re into. Keep the conversation general, and talk about your plans together or past adventures.
Unless your escort volunteers details of their private life, I’d recommend you don’t ask. As you get to know someone over time, they'll choose which details they are comfortable sharing (if any). Either way, feeling close to someone is much more about the connection, than about knowing all their ‘secrets'. If you push for the private details of our lives we’re going to feel uncomfortable, and you’ll get a bad service (and probably more than a few awkward silences).
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.