How to text escorts: A guide to hiring sex workers using SMS

When you contact independent sex workers by text message, you need to get it right.

I don't know how many times I've hit the 'delete' button because a message has come through that's too casual, brief, or even unreadable. I think often this happens because clients are so used to texting their friends, that they forget that their contact with an escort or any other independent sex worker needs to be professional. It's too easy to fall back on 'hey' or 'hi, are you available?' via SMS...but that's not the best way to get a booking.

As I've said often before, sex workers do turn down clients that make a bad impression. It's not just about avoiding rejection, either - do you want your worker to look forward to seeing you? That means making a good impression from the very first contact.

You're trying to prove your a great customer, within a character limit. This means that all the usual information I recommend sharing needs to be squeezed into a message that's only a few hundred characters long - no small feat! Although you can't write an essay, it's possible to get the details across and prove you're a good client. Here are the essentials to keep in mind, to ensure your message doesn't get ignored or deleted.

Before you text, make sure they accept SMS messages

Different workers prefer to be contacted different ways. I prefer email, and I say so on my ads. If you text (or, god forbid, call) it signals to me that you may not have read my advertisement correctly, which makes you less of an appealing client.

No chit chat - decide you want a booking, then text

We're not a chat line, and getting to know you is something we do after you pay. Don't text us to chat or 'check if we're friendly'. Research your worker, make sure you can afford them, settle on a date and time for your meeting, then send an SMS to request a session.

Introduce yourself: "Hi, my name is..."

Getting started is a lot easier than you think: simply introduce yourself! You may also want to add a bit more info, such as your age, whether you're travelling from out of town or a local, and where you saw the escort's advertisement.

Include all the details your worker needs

It's your job to provide all the booking request details upfront, so we know you're serious.

That means date, time, and length of booking. If you're in a location where it's okay to mention sexual services, you might want to also mention a particular service, if it's something that's a deal-breaker: 'I'm looking for passionate kissing, is that something you offer?'. But remember, in places such as the USA where sex work is criminalised, you'll need to avoid any mention of sexy stuff.

Offer screening information

Got any screening information you can offer up-front? Make sure your worker knows what's available. 'I have references I can provide on request' can be very reassuring if you're a new customer.

If you're not sure what they prefer, try ' I'd be happy to provide any screening information you need.' Following our protocols shows us that you know the rules and want us to feel safe.

A mobile phone screen showing an escort client's text message booking request. — A good text message to your escort should be short and to the point, with all the details they need.

Avoid 'instant fail' questions

Some questions will, more likely than not, instantly disqualify you as a good client. Even if the worker still accepts your booking, you'll have raised some red flags that will make them nervous and might ruin the vibe. Avoid:

Basics that are already available online, such as 'How much do you charge?' or 'do I have to pay a deposit?' Get the facts before you contact your worker, by reading their ad thoroughly.
Reluctance to comply with screening requirements: 'Do I have to tell you my name?' or 'Is it really necessary to show you my ID?'
Question that are suspicious, irrelevant or offensive: 'Do you have any STIs?' 'Will you be seeing anyone before me that day?' 'Do you live alone?' This stuff can be off-putting and make us feel unsafe.
Requesting too many services - a laundry list of sexual acts suggests you're trying to fit as much into your session as possible - this is exhausting, and not how good sex works. By all means, ask about one or two services that matter to you, but don't present us with a shopping list. And, of course, don't mention sex at all, if you're somewhere like the USA where hands-on sex work is criminalized.

Definitely no photos

Yup, people do send me dick pics. They also describe their physical appearance, skin color, and level of fitness...honestly, none of that matters. All I care about is how polite and respectful they are, and whether they're committed to meeting.

It can be tempting to send pics or describe yourself if you're worried your escort will be disappointed with your age or appearance. But honestly, your looks aren't relevant here. We're used to seeing people from all walks of life, so unless you have specific needs around your body (such as accommodating a disability, for example) there's no need to describe yourself.

What about the other way around? Is it okay to ask for photos of your worker? Unfortunately, doing so might lead them to assume you're a time waster or 'pic collector.' If you want selfies to confirm what your potential date looks like, you'll need to check out their Twitter account or the 'selfie gallery' on their website.

Keep it simple and professional...and cover the basics.

At the end of the day, texting is supposed to be simple. A brief, clear message will increase your chances of getting a booking. 'Hi, my name is... Are you free for a meeting on Thursday at 3 pm for an hour? Let me know if you need any screening info!'

Short and sweet, but not too casual. You'll have plenty of time to get acquainted at length once you meet in person.