I don't have much practical experience with sex workers, but I'm considering it because I think it might help me get past some sexual experiences I've had in the past. That said, I also simply adore party drugs (eg, K, G, etc). I miss the experiences I had with a partner a few years ago who paired sex and drugs in such a fun but also life-changing way.
I've been researching different sex workers and I found one I thought would be a good fit. But then I read the fine print and there was a lot about how any intoxicated clients would be refused.
My vision was to have a few encounters and then bring in that drug element after there's a base of trust - I certainly wouldn't show up high on the first date. But it's something I want eventually. So my question is, how do you find a drug-positive sex worker? I noticed some sites have the key word 'party girls' which may be a code for that?
Drugs are a tricky topic. Before I attempt to answer this question, here are a few disclaimers:
- I'm not here to judge you, nor to judge anyone else who uses illicit substances. My opinion on the topic focuses on practical concerns, not moral ones.
- I suspect there will be people who've had different experiences with escorts than I talk about below. I'm not here to tell anyone what to do! I'm just trying to explore might work, or not, and share my reasons why.
- The situation could be different for drugs that are legalised and socially acceptable, such as weed in some states of the USA. I'm not an expert in those particular cases. This answer refers to illicit drugs only.
Short answer: it's probably not a good idea.
You want to find someone to have drug adventures with, and you think sex workers might be the answer. Taking drugs - illicit or otherwise - during sex to enhance the experience is commonly known as as 'chemsex', and it's something a lot of folks enjoy.
But if the substances you want to explore are prohibited, I don't think asking a sex worker is a good idea. Here are a few reasons why.
Sex work and drugs don't necessarily go together - and assuming they do isn't a good look.
It's often assumed that sex work and drugs go hand-in-hand, simply because they're both considered immoral, risky, or because they're both criminalised (if you live in a place where that's the case). There's also a stereotype that sex workers use drugs more - either to cope with the job or that they started working to pay for their habit. This is a narrative we see a lot in the media, and it's simply not true. People from all professions use drugs, and people choose to do sex work for all kinds of reasons. There's no correlation.
Would you visit your accountant to do your taxes and ask them to smoke a joint with you? Would you offer a tradesman visiting your house a line of cocaine to help get the job done? Sure, there might be exceptions, but for most people the answer is 'no'.
If you're assuming that an escort would be more receptive to drug use than any other kind of businessperson, I'd like you to ask yourself why. Is it because you think we're more likely to use drugs, or accept drug use, than other folks? These assumptions may come across as whorephobic, even if that's not what you intend.
This is a generalisation, of course. Different cultures and demographics have different ways of handling this stuff. Hey, maybe some people do smoke joints with their tax agents. But if you need a rule of thumb, I'd suggest 'Dude, no' is a more likely reaction than 'Sure, let's do a line!'
You're putting us at greater risk from the law...and that's not fair.
Sex work is criminalised or regulated in many parts of the world. When sex workers are already suffering under unfair laws and restrictions, and afraid of persecution, it's unfair to ask us to take on even more legal risk.
This especially applies in places such as the USA, where sex work is criminalised outright, but it's also relevant in locations where sex work is allowed under some circumstances but not fully decriminalised. For example, in Victoria there are many laws that control how I work in this state, and the police are responsible for enforcing them. That means that even if I'm 'allowed' to do sex work, I still need to worry about police interference.
(Note: Sex work 'licensing', such as we currently have in Victoria, creates a system where some people are forced to work outside the law, or in unsafe conditions. You can read more here.)
By approaching an escort and asking them to take drugs with you, you're adding a another layer of risk for someone who may already be vulnerable. As well as worrying about being persecuted for their work, they may be concerned about possession or supply charges, not to mention the issues that might arise if one or both of you need medical attention.
Not only does this stuff add to their burden, it also means you're less likely to have a good session, because your worker is stressed out.
It might not turn out the exactly way you're hoping.
Even if you do get this stuff happening with an escort, you might not get the experience you want.
I checked in with a worker friend while writing this answer, and she said, "It sounds like what this person might be missing is the connection that can come in a relationship when you explore chemsex together. And you're not going to be able to replicate that with a professional."
I think she's right. A sex professional needs to set different boundaries compared to a regular lover or partner. So although it's possible to have genuine, connected experiences, there are definitely limits. You might not be able to recreate the same kind of experience, and trying could prove disappointing (and expensive).
But what about 'party girls'?
Many escorts specifically refuse clients who are under the influence. This might happen for a variety of reasons - legal concerns, safety, personal preferences, difficulties connecting or communicating, to name a few. If someone turns you down, it doesn't necessarily mean they're judging you for your drug use.
You've mentioned that some workers use the code word 'party' on their advertisements, which can sometimes be a reference to tolerating or participating in drug use. But the types of substances considered acceptable are quite specific. I can't assume what kinds of 'party' drugs might be considered okay, because it depends on where in the world you're from. But I would venture that the two you mention, ketamine and GHB, might not be the kind of stuff one would expect when accepting a 'party' booking.
In a perfect world, you'd simply contact your escort and ask beforehand...but since these substances are banned, it's hard to talk openly about which drugs might be acceptable and which aren't. And since you can't have the conversation, it's difficult to safely and honestly negotiate this kind of scenario.
If you genuinely believe that a worker is promoting themselves as substance friendly, you may want to try enquiring about their boundaries in the most general possible way, so that you're not asking them to incriminate themselves. "What are your guidelines around party bookings? Is there anything I need to know?" may get a better response than, "Can I bring a gram of-"
From an etiquette point of view, this kind of effort is probably better than simply turning up under the influence, or whipping out your stash once the booking has started.
A few final words...
As I said earlier, I'm not here to judge. Using drugs is a decision we all get to make for ourselves. If what you or your worker do is different and it works for both of you, that's valid.
But if you're considering approaching an escort and asking about this stuff, my first instinct is to say, 'don't.' I just don't think it's fair.
Perhaps you'd be better off finding a worker or two you get along with, spending time with them and seeing where that takes you - perhaps you have a mutual interest in chemsex that comes up over time? Once you're sure your worker shares your interests, and you both know and trust each other, it might be easier to talk about your past (and potential future) adventures.
But there's no guarantee you'll find that particular person. Most escorts will be much more focused on providing a service. If that's the case, those particular adventures might have to wait until you find someone outside the industry.
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