Please can you give me advice? I was regular client of an agency since 2017. I've ordered 42 girls since then. Everything was excellent-until middle 2020 when this agency started to tell me that, 'the girls don't want to meet you again'.
I was very astonished and I asked for an explanation. But the only thing I received-were words such as 'we owe you no explanations - we simply respect the will of our girls'.
One girl visited me three times and the agency told me, 'she doesn't want to see you again'. Another also visited me three times - and the same bullshit from the agency! Some days ago another girl came to my place and I called the manager to thank him - he said 'she texted me that she wants to block you because she doesn't want to see you again.'
I always treated the girls like princesses - with perfect respect - and also we drank wine, ate pizzas and cakes, I made them some gifts.
So, you've seen a lot of escorts, and none of them want to see you again. This is a tough situation.
Of course, any sex worker has the right to say 'no' at any time - whether it's before, during or after the booking. But I'd also like to acknowledge that it can feel really hurtful and frustrating when you think you're doing everything right, but you still get turned down.
When it comes to being refused service by an escort, I have a rule of thumb: if it happens once or twice, don't take it personally. Perhaps they feel you didn't get along, or maybe something came up in their personal life? You may never know why, and it's unhelpful to blame yourself when the true reason might have nothing to do with you. But if refusal happens a few times in a row from different workers, then the problem could be closer to home. Basically, you're going to have to examine your own behaviour, to see if you can spot something that might be ruining your dates.
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In this case we have an extreme situation - after every date, your worker has declined to see you again. Unless the agency is doing something weird (and I'll talk about that later), you're going to need to figure out what you're doing wrong, pronto.
Avoid these common mistakes
Here are the common reasons workers refuse further sessions. I'm not necessarily saying you do any of these - but it's worth checking!
- Poor personal hygiene - are you showering thoroughly, cleaning your teeth and using mouthwash? Are you getting into all those difficult areas, such as your butt crack and under your foreskin? Do you have any medical issues that need to be taken care of first, such as tooth decay or STIs? Few workers will be okay with getting close to a client that smells bad or looks like they might have something contagious. Good hygiene and personal presentation is a must, as is a regular check-up with your doctor to ensure you don't have any medical issues that could get in the way of having a good time.
- Not respecting your date's boundaries - sex workers are people too, and our boundaries are just as important as yours. If your worker says 'no' to any activity during a session, you need to respect that without arguing, sulking or getting angry. It also means being gentle and respectful, and asking before you do anything that could be surprising or painful.
- Unrealistic expectations - seeing a sexy worker is an opportunity to ask for what you want, and that freedom to make your fantasies come true can be super exciting. But it's important to be realistic about what a date with an escort is actually like. If you expect to check off a huge list of sexual acts, or you think your companion will have a model-perfect body and magically guess your every need, you're in for a disappointing time...and your worker might feel pressured and stressed out. Keeping an open mind and letting go of the need for perfection is much more likely to lead to true enjoyment.
- Mental health issues that aren't being managed - mental health problems such as chronic depression, severe anxiety, and post-traumatic stress (PTSD) are super common, and they're nothing to be ashamed of. But if you haven't taken steps to manage your headspace, you might be giving off a vibe that your provider finds unsettling or unsafe. If you can afford it, I recommend seeing a therapist to deal with the issues that are affecting you, before you spend time with a sex worker.
- Unresolved personal issues - like mental health, going through a big change in life can sometimes make us feel a little wobbly. Issues such as divorce, grief and loss, or low self-esteem, often leave us feeling as though we need a little extra support. But a sex worker isn't a counsellor - and if you're using your worker as dumping ground for your emotions, they might feel that the emotional strain is too much for them. Consider finding support elsewhere, such as with a friend, family member, or therapist.
What about you, specifically? You've said a few things in your message that could be warning signs:
- You said you 'ordered' workers - but arranging an escort isn't like ordering a pizza. You don't 'order' a person as if they're an object. Are you treating this experience like a regular date, or are you approaching it with a 'customer is always right' attitude? Because the latter just doesn't cut it, when it comes to sex workers. If you treat your worker like a servant rather than a person, they're going to feel uncomfortable.
- You refer to your providers as 'girls', which worries me a little. If you feel deep down that escorts are less mature or less capable, your workers might be picking up on your attitude and getting turned off. (Obviously, not everyone who uses the word 'girls' feels this way about women...but it's something to watch out for.)
- When the agency says 'no', your reaction seems to be anger. I know it can feel frustrating to be turned down, but reacting angrily to someone's boundary isn't okay - we all have a right to say 'no' to any client, at any time! Is this what you're like in person? Do you become angry when a worker says 'no' to you, or perhaps try to argue? This behaviour can make a worker feel unsafe.
At the end of the day, I can't tell you what you're doing wrong - you need to do some soul-searching and decide for yourself. Once you've pinpointed a possible issue, correct it and try again with a different worker. If you still have the same problem, you'll need to keep working on yourself until you get a different result.
This kind of 'personal growth' stuff can be difficult - there's a lot of shame attached to needing to be better. But honestly, this is something we all go through. Nobody's perfect, and unless you own up to your own shortcomings, you'll never improve. It's a bit like walking around with your fly undone: it might feel embarrassing if someone points it out, but wouldn't you prefer to know, so you can fix the problem?
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Avoid agencies, approach independents
It sounds as if the problem you're having - being refused service - is happening with a single escort agency. When you hear back, you're not hearing from the workers themselves - rather, you're getting your information second-hand from the people who run the company.
This is one of the reasons I recommend independent escorts rather than escort agencies. When you see an independent worker, you can research and choose someone who is well-suited to you. You contact the worker and establish a connection before you meet. And if your escort has something they need to say to you they can do it directly, without the risk of miscommunication.
Have you considered ditching the agency and booking independent workers? That way, if they do say 'no', you'll be able to ask them for specific feedback.
Of course, seeing independent escorts involves more work than simply calling an escort agency. For each worker, you'll need to provide screening information and be a good communicator - you can't just call up and 'order'. But this process helps you practice the communication skills you need to have a good time once you do finally meet your worker. Your efforts won't be wasted.
What else can you do? Here are some ideas.
Here are a few final tips, based on what we've talked about so far.
- See independent escorts, don't use agencies. - This means you can research the worker you spend time with, ensure they're professional, and cut out any intermediaries that might make clear communication difficult.
- Make sure you treat sex workers like people. Learning to connect is an essential skill for a good escort date; that means seeing your worker as a person. It's not about 'spoiling' them. It's about being genuinely curious about who they are and what they need, and treating their needs as being just as important as your own.
- Invite your worker to set boundaries with you. "Is there anything I need to do, to help you feel comfortable?" or, "Please feel free to let me know if there's anything that isn't working for you." Once you've asked, follow through by making the changes they need and respecting their choices.
- Ask for feedback, if they refuse further sessions. "I totally respect you not wanting to see me again. Can you give me any tips for what I could do better when I see someone else?" There's no guarantee you'll get a reply, but it's definitely worth asking. If your worker doesn't give you feedback, asking your friends is a good option: "What do you think I need to improve on to have more success with the ladies?" Often, our friends know us much better than we know ourselves!
Self-improvement is never easy, and it can feel even harder when you're struggling with the sting of rejection. But there's no way around this - if you want to cultivate a good professional relationship with your provider, you'll need to do some work on yourself too.
The good news is that it's worth it. Once you've found someone whose company you enjoy and who appreciates you as a client, you're going to have much more enjoyable dates.
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