'She’s an escort, not a prostitute!' It’s a common pop-culture trope.

My first encounter with this was when I watched You Me Her on Netflix five years ago. A young couple starts dating a woman they hired as a sex worker. When they explain their polyamorous relationship to friends and family, they insist that their girlfriend’s job is 'okay', because she doesn't actually have sex with her clients. As someone who calls themselves an escort and has sex with my clients (and who doesn't see anything wrong with that), it felt weird and uncomfortable.

The same comparison comes up often on the internet. Type 'escort vs prostitute' into Google and you'll see all kinds of shady articles and forum posts, with dozens of non-sex-workers eager to explain. But is there actually a difference between an ‘escort’ and a ‘prostitute’? Or are these folks just using the wrong words to describe a particular kind of sex industry service?

To answer this question, we’ll need to look at some sex work history, talk about criminalization, and clarify what escort work (and sex work, more broadly) is really about. By the time we're done, I hope you'll understand why the word 'prostitute' is more than a little problematic, and why non-workers need to start using the right terms to describe sex workers.

Why we need to stop the 'escort vs 'prostitute' definition debate

Why does knowing the nuances of these particular words matter? Here are three good reasons:

• To avoid offending sex workers. If you’re a client of sex workers (or thinking about seeing one), it’s essential to understand what kinds of workers and services are available. That means using the right words for the right people. As you'll soon see, if you use the word 'prostitute', you run the risk of seriously annoying your provider.
• To avoid looking ignorant. If you want to sound knowledgeable about the industry in general, you need to know the facts. I’ve heard a lot of people try to explain the difference between an escort and a 'prostitute' to their friends, saying they’re two different kinds of workers. But industry experts know this is incorrect. It's better to get your facts straight.
• To be a good ally. If you’re interested in politics and sex worker rights, the words you use (and how they’re treated by the law) have a huge effect on the safety and well-being of sex workers and their clients. If you believe that sex workers deserve respect and fair treatment then you need to know which words to use, and why the bad ones should be avoided.

Before we look at the details, here's a little about me.

Why listen to me?

If you’ve just stumbled across the Satisfaction Project, you may be wondering whether the website is legitimate and whether the advice I’m offering is reliable.

The Satisfaction Project is an online resource that helps sex work clients have better experiences with their providers. It was founded by me, Georgie Wolf - an Australian escort with fifteen years of experience. Most of the content on this site is written with a USA-based audience in mind. Since readers from the USA make up most of our traffic, we consult with, and interview, workers from the USA to ensure the information we share is as helpful as possible.

Although I can’t guarantee that my experience applies exactly to sex workers in your culture or location, I hope that by sharing some sex-positive, straightforward information, you can have a more realistic view of the sex industry in general.

It's important to know that not everyone in the sex industry agrees on what terminology to use. We're a diverse bunch and we all do things our own way. Regardless of my feelings on this topic, please always respect the preferences of the providers you spend time with.

'Prostitute' defined: a mean, shaming word

I’m going to share with you some facts about the word ‘prostitute’ - where it came from, what it’s supposed to mean, and how it’s used by the law. Just keep in mind, this article doesn’t offer any legal advice - consult your own legal professional if necessary!

What does the word ‘prostitute’ mean historically?

The word ‘prostitute’ has been around for a long time. According to Dr. Kate Lister, the creator of Whores of Yore, the term was first used in the 1530s to describe, ‘a woman in a state of female sexual dishonor’. Doesn’t sound very nice, does it? Towards the end of the 17th century, it began to be used to describe someone who sells sexual services for money. But it was still commonly used as an insult (and still is, to this day).

The article I’ve mentioned above quotes activist Lizzie Smith explaining that ‘prostitute’ has never been a neutral term. Instead, it’s used to shame and humiliate:

"It’s a word burdened with considerable historical and cultural baggage."

So it seems that ‘prostitute’ is, in fact, a dirty word.

You may hear some sex workers refer to themselves as 'prostitutes', in the same way we might also used other reclaimed words such as 'hooker'. But I'd caution you against using these words to describe us, if you're not a sex worker yourself.

Next, let’s look at things from a legal point of view.

What does the word ‘prostitute’ mean legally?

Knowing the legal definition of the word ‘prostitute’ may be important if you’re located somewhere where the sale or purchase of hands-on sexual services is prohibited, such as in much of the United States.

Sex work criminalization (as well as regulation/licensing) is widespread throughout much of the world. In addition to making life difficult for sex workers, criminalization in the USA also promotes the use of the dreaded 'p-word'.

I’m not a lawyer, so I can’t give you a precise legal definition of 'prostitution' in the United States, or anywhere else. But California law firm Summit Defense says that ‘prostitution’ is defined as ‘exchanging sexual favors for money, drugs, or other valuable items’. According to that site, if you go on a paid date with someone in Los Angeles, San Diego, or San Franciso and sexual penetration (such as intercourse) occurs, it’s likely to be viewed as ‘prostitution’ under the law.

'Prostitution' laws in the United States vary from place to place. It’s difficult to summarise them here, so you may want to do your own research.

You might also be thinking, "What are the penalties for 'prostitution' as defined by the law?" And, again, it’s complex. Every place has its own approach to people who exchange sexual services for money (and those who pay for those services). You’re probably best off consulting a legal professional in your town or state for that advice.

‘Escort’ defined: An often-misunderstood service

Next, let’s talk about how escorting is defined, and what 'escort' means. But in order to understand escorting, you first need to know what 'sex worker' means.

Escorting (and sex work) defined

What is escorting? And what is a sex worker?

A sex worker is anyone who provides sexual (or sexy) services for payment. Sex workers may offer hands-on services (such as brothel workers) or never touch their clients (such as peep-show performers). They might engage in sexual intercourse (as escorts often do) or erotic touch (eg, erotic massage workers). Some kinds of sex workers - strippers or BDSM providers, for example - don’t offer sexual touch at all. It’s a very big umbrella! And it’s about all kinds of connection, not just intercourse and orgasms.

Sex workers aren’t just women. They can be any gender, and come from any background. The one thing we all have in common is that our work focuses on intimacy, companionship, and sexual connection (whether it's hands-on, or hands-off).

What about escorts? In the sex industry, an escort is a kind of sex worker who meets in person with clients, offering companionship and/or sexual services in exchange for payment.

It’s important to distinguish between agency escorts and independent escorts:

• Agency escorts work for a management company. These escort service companies may place advertisements online or in the paper, then book appointments for their employees. The agency will then take a percentage of the worker’s hourly fee as a commission.
• Independent escorts are businesspeople who place their own advertisements, arrange their own appointments and choose their own clients. They may have a driver or secretary who works for them - nevertheless, they’re the ones calling the shots, and they keep 100% of their booking fees.

Independent escorts are often found on advertising sites such as Tryst (although, in places where hands-on sex work is criminalized, some workers also use dating sites like Adult Friend Finder). So, for example, if you were looking for Las Vegas escorts you might enter your location into a popular ad site, look through the options, then text or email a worker to arrange a meeting. Click here to find out more about what a date with an escort is like.

Is escorting legal in the United States?

In the United States, the legal definition of 'escorting' is different to the legal definition of 'prostitution'.

Under the laws of some jurisdictions, an escort is viewed as someone who provides only their company in exchange for payment, whereas a 'prostitute' is seen as someone who provides sex. California law firm Summit Defense says: ‘The laws in California are stringent about sex work. The state considers escorts separate from prostitutes.’ Law firm CWS says something similar. So, it seems that while 'prostitution' (as it's defined by the law) is illegal, escorting (again, as defined by US law) might not be illegal in some states of America, if it's only about companionship.

You may be wondering, ‘Is having sex with an escort legal in the United States?’ Summit Defense’s website says that ‘it is illegal for an escort to provide any sexual act or sexual penetration in exchange for money.’ In Ohio, law firm Suhre agrees. Scott Henry goes even further, stating, ‘If law enforcement believes there is probable cause that the escort was hired to engage in sexual acts at a later time, both the escort and the client may face prostitution charges.’

So, the law thinks there's a difference...and it's also assumed that 'escort' strictly refers to someone who only offers companionship. But is this the way it happens in real life? I don’t think so.

The truth about the ‘escort vs prostitute’ question

It’s time to ditch this ‘escort versus prostitute’ mindset. There are good reasons why we shouldn’t compare the two terms...and good arguments for ditching the word 'prostitute' altogether.

Many sex workers dislike the word ‘prostitute’

As we discussed earlier, the word 'prostitute' is often used as an insult or to label someone as shameful. It’s also used by anti-sex-work activists (also known as SWERFS) to harass and persecute sex workers. Dr Kate Lister writes, ‘Those who support the abolition of the sex trade generally do not use the term ‘sex worker…rather the word ‘prostitute’ or ‘prostituted women’ is used.’

In an article for Vox, writer and activist Melissa Gira Grant says, ‘The word "prostitute" itself has very much fallen out of favor. Very few people who are engaged in sex work describe themselves as prostitutes outside their own communities, and in some circles, the word prostitute is considered a derogatory term.’

As I said above, some sex workers might still refer to themselves as 'prostitutes', and it's their right to do so. But I don't think it's a good idea for anyone else.

Seeing escorting as a different service to 'prostitution' creates whorearchy

By trying to differentiate 'escorting' and 'prostitution', many people are making a judgment call. They judge those who sell sex as being gross or immoral. On the other hand, non-sexual companions are often considered more socially acceptable by society in general, simply because intercourse isn't involved.

This is what’s called the ‘whorearchy’ - the idea that some kinds of sex workers are better or worse than others. Going on a date with a client to a corporate event is fine...but as soon as you take your clothes off in their hotel room, people think you’re doing something wrong! Whorearchy shows up in all kinds of ways and can be perpetuated by workers, clients, and society in general. If you judge someone who markets themselves as being a 'high class companion' as being more legitimate than someone who simply sells sexual servces, you're buying into the whorearchy too.

I believe that we should all be allowed to do whatever we like with our bodies. There’s no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ sex work - it's just a range of services provided consensually by adults. Whether a provider engages in companionship, flirting, cuddles, foreplay, or intercourse, their work is valid and they're worthy of respect.

Escorts often provide sexual services

This is a generalization...but in my experience, many escorts do offer sexual services to their clients.

Escorts generally charge for their time, not for specific sexual services. But many workers - especially those working in criminalized environments - do engage in sexy activities with customers, even if they can't say so up-front for legal reasons.

If you’re a client in a place where hands-on sex work is criminalized, sexytime with an escort involves tact. You’ll need to avoid any mention of sexual services before the session. You’ll also need to know how to pay discreetly, via ‘donation’ or gift, to avoid the perception that you’re specifically paying for sex.

Given that escorts often provide sexual services, I feel there's very little reason to keep using the word 'prostitute'.

Even when you pay for sexual services, they're not guaranteed

Are you new to seeing sex workers? You might be wondering what kind of provider you should be looking for in order to get your needs met. If you specifically want intercourse, you might think it’s safer to search for ‘prostitutes’ rather than 'escorts' to guarantee you receive sex rather than just conversation.

But here’s the catch. Even if you're able to negotiate up-front with a sex worker for sexual services, intercourse isn't guaranteed. The experience you have will depend on:

• Your personal hygiene (eg, showering and brushing your teeth)
• Being free of any visible signs of STIs
• Being polite and respectful towards your provider
• Agreeing to your worker’s safer sex requirements (eg, condom use)

If you miss any of these essentials, you might be refused sex, regardless of what you and your provider have agreed on beforehand. So, for example, if you visit a Nevada brothel you can meet a worker, negotiate for their services, and pay their fee. But if you behave badly during the booking, you’ll be denied service (and asked to leave).

I suspect there's no advantage in searching for someone who describes themselves as a 'prostitute'. Rather, seek out the kind of escort, brothel worker, street-based worker or other provider who offers the activities you're looking for...and ensure you treat them respectfully, so that you receive the best possible service.

"If the word ‘prostitute’ isn't helpful, what should I use instead?"

Okay, so what other words can you use when talking about 'sexy service providers' if ‘prostitute’ isn’t useful? Here are a few suggestions:

• Sex worker. This is an umbrella term for anyone working in the sex industry: it includes roles such as call girls, brothel workers, porn performers, dominatrixes, erotic massage specialists, and much, much more.
• Provider/worker. These are discreet terms for any person who ‘provides’ sex work services, whether it’s online or in person.
• Escort/companion. As we’ve discussed, an escort is a type of hands-on sex worker who provides companionship and/or intimacy.

Now you understand…

When it comes to the ‘escort versus prostitute’ debate, you now know that this way of thinking simply isn’t helpful.

This distinction is harmful. It's promoted by lawmakers who want to criminalize us, by antis and SWERFs who campaign against us, and by regular folks who buy into the whorearchical idea that having sex with our clients makes our work less socially acceptable.

In reality, these services are simply particular kinds of sex work. A hands-on sex worker such an an escort might offer companionship, sexual services, or both, depending on how they run their business and what they feel comfortable offering you when you spend time with them.

And since ‘prostitute’ is a judgemental word that’s often used to shame sex workers, it’s best to refer to independent sex workers who provide sexual services as escorts, workers, providers, or companions.