I’ve received many thoughtful gifts over the course of my sex work career.
Simple presents: a hand-written poem. Thoughtful presents: a cologne to replace a favourite I dropped while on tour. Quirky and unusual: prints from my favourite anime movie. I’ve given gifts too … wine, chocolates, birthday cards. I even bought someone a donut once at Short Stop (just to be clear, that’s not the way it normally goes, guys!)
Some of my clients have admitted they feel anxious about gifts. Here are the dos and don’ts of presenting the perfect present to your escort.
There are many reasons clients might choose to give gifts:
- To celebrate an occasion – meeting someone new, an anniversary, a long-anticipated event. Gifts – especially those that are shared such as champagne and chocolates – can add that extra touch of importance to a special occasion.
- To make a good impression – when you’re meeting an escort, showing generosity can be a great way to set the tone for your time together. I know from experience that seeing someone who has been difficult before we meet (haggling, being inconsistent or inconsiderate) can definitely throw things off and ruin the vibe. Conversely, showing consideration and generosity demonstrates that you’re going to be a good client.
- To enjoy the feeling of giving – I don’t know about you, but Christmas is one of my favourite times of year. It’s a time when I’m allowed to buy fun things, but don’t have to feel guilty because I’m giving them away to other people. Seeing the look of delight on another person’s face is a wonderful experience. Many guys love spoiling their ladies, and escort clients are no exception.
- To show appreciation – if you’ve been seeing someone for a while, you may feel the urge to go that extra mile to show how much you genuinely appreciate your time together. I’ve done it too, for regular clients on birthdays – it’s a nice way to highlight the importance of our working relationship.
I’m not usually a fan of gifts. I believe that escorting is a job, and that if someone is paying for my time then they’re not obligated to provide anything extra. In fact, I used to be a little uncomfortable with it … I felt that I should discourage my clients from feeling obligated and make it clear that their payment – and their gentlemanly behaviour – was enough. I still think that the biggest gift any client can give is being respectful, punctual, and friendly.
This is how we should all be treated, and no number of expensive offerings will ever make up for a deficiency of manners.
Having said that, I’ve slowly developed an appreciation for the fact that some people genuinely enjoy giving. For some of my clients, it’s an enjoyable part of the experience. Who am I to refuse all their delicious chocolate and wine, when I know they’re loving it as much as I am?
Of course, there are times when spoiling your escort isn’t appropriate.
Situations to avoid:
- When you expect something in return. A true gift is given freely, without expectation. If you think you’ll get preferential treatment, extra time, or discounts in the future due to your generosity, then you’re not really giving a gift … you’re giving an obligation. And nobody wants to be given an obligation, no matter how nicely it’s wrapped.
- When it’s wildly extravagant. An expensive dress is lovely – if it’s in the correct size, and a style your lady likes. A five-hundred-dollar bottle of whisky isn’t going to be joyfully received, if the recipient doesn’t drink. Also, a very expensive purchase could make your escort feel uncomfortable. Always check with your escort beforehand, if you have the urge to present them with something pricey; they’ll appreciate you asking.
- When you feel obligated. As I said, sex work is work. When you arrange to see an escort, it’s your job to pay their fee, turn up on time and treat them with respect. There’s no obligation to provide gifts or tips, unless it’s something you enjoy. I never judge a client that doesn’t give presents – if they’re kind and respectful, I’m delighted!
- If it’s something unusual. Unless you know your escort REALLY well, stick to the traditional items. Most workers will appreciate chocolate, wine, and champagne … some escorts have a ‘wish list’ on their website, if you get stuck. But that little fertility figurine you found in the discount bin at your local health food store? Probably not such a great idea. The same could be said of items that are an acquired taste, such as liquorice or coffee; not everyone likes that stuff. Unless you know your escort well, stick to safe choices.
Remember, gift-giving is more about you than about your escort.
When we give, we feel good about ourselves – and that’s all part of the experience. Enjoy giving…but don’t feel obligated.
For most workers, your good behaviour and your efforts in the bedroom are enough.
Get the free ebook now
My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.