Are you a woman who's considering spending time with escorts? If so, this one’s for you.
When all we hear about in the news or see on television is women who do sex work, it's easy to forget that the reality is much more diverse. People of all genders choose to do sex work...and people of all genders choose to see sex workers too!
Women can – and do – pay to spend time with sex workers. There are many benefits, depending on your needs:
- Getting laid when you don't feel like dating hooking up with a stranger
- Finding someone safe with whom to explore your sexuality
- Trying new experiences, such as kink or a threesome
- Feeling sexy, cared for, and appreciated
There as many different reasons for seeing sex workers as there are people. Whether you're searching for companionship or sexual satisfaction, escorts are a straightforward, obligation-free option.
If you’re a woman looking for an escort (male, female, or any gender at all) then this is for you. Below are a few of my ideas for ensuring a great booking.
My experience being an escort client - and how you can do better.
Here's a secret: I’ve been an escort client too!
When I was younger, I used to visit brothels with my boyfriend so we could have threesomes. I've visited erotic massage parlours too.
Recently, I arranged to spend a couple of hours with a lovely man from Adelaide. I did it out of curiosity and was delighted to discover that paying a professional can be very liberating - I was able to plan an encounter that gave me exactly what I wanted!
But a lot of questions did come up for me - was it really okay to ask for what I wanted? What if he didn't treat me respectfully? How would I know he genuinely found me attractive? It was a reminder of just how nerve-wracking it can be getting intimate with someone who does sex for a living.
To make your task easier, here are a few essential things to consider.
Have you chosen the right professional? Make sure you do your research first.
Like any other service business, escorts each have have different levels of experience and professionalism. And just like hiring any kind of professional, you need to do your research and choose someone you can trust.
That means finding an escort who is honest about their fees and charges, is reliable, treats you respectfully, and cares about the quality of your experience.
Because you'll be getting intimate with this person, there's an increased level of risk compared to many types of businesses. Your escort is going to get much, much closer to you. They need to know what they're doing!
A good escort will:
- Ask what kind of experience or services you're looking for (if they're legally able to discuss those details).
- Reply to your booking enquiry in a timely fashion, and treat you professionally throughout the process of arranging a date.
- Show concern for your safety and comfort - if you seem nervous they will reassure you, for example.
- Respect your boundaries. You should feel comfortable saying 'no' to anything they might suggest, both in and out of the bedroom.
These are all top-notch interpersonal skills, and not everyone has them. Before you commit to meeting, you ned to do your homework.
This could mean:
- Reading reviews or testimonials. Although they're not always reliable, an escort who has a lot of reviews or testimonials on their advertisements or website may be more experienced that one who doesn't have any at all.
- Checking out the escort’s website for details such as their rates, their photos, and how well they communicate.
- Talking with your escort about what you need, and asking them whether they're confident performing those services (if you're in a location where sex can be openly discussed).
I prefer to talk to a potential playmate in person – either on the phone or as part of a paid social date. It might seem like a lot of trouble, but it’s better to spend time making sure someone is right for you than waste your efforts on an unsatisfying (and expensive) appointment.
Do you need a specialist?Some sex work services require advanced skills. Activities such as kink, for example, should be explored with a trained kink professional. And if you're dealing with issues such as disability or healing from past sexual trauma, it's best to find someone who specialises in your particular situation. Asking a worker to attempt something they're not trained for can be unsafe for everyone involved.
Get comfortable with receiving, not just giving.
I grew up with the impression that sex was mostly about male pleasure.
In all the movies I watched (and, later, the porn I watched) the straight people I saw getting intimate concentrated on sexual activities that pleased the guy. From blow jobs to cum shots, it seemed that getting your man hard (and then getting him off) was basically what sex was all about. This is what's called the 'sex escalator' - the idea that sex always involves specific steps in a specific order. Often, hetero sex follows the same script: kissing, touching, oral sex, intercourse, dude orgasms. Once the guy comes, the sex is over.
This way of thinking means that, as a woman, you might feel that your pleasure is less important. It means that sometimes you might struggle to relax and enjoy sex, even if the other person is enthusiastic about satisfying you. Even just receiving a massage or a compliment might feel uncomfortable!
But if you want to enjoy your escort session, you'll need to do things differently.
A booking with a professional is about creating an experience that suits your needs. Sure, everyone needs to be comfortable and agree to what's happening, but as the client it's also your job to ask for what you want and make the most of the service. If you spend all your time together focusing on getting your escort off, you're going to miss out on a lot of fun.
There are a few strategies you can use to 'switch up the script':
- Ask your escort for what you want. If there's a type of sexy play you're into, say "I really love doing this. Would you be interested in giving it a go?"
- Take turns giving and receiving. Rather than just having a sexy free-for-all, slow down and take turns touching, massaging, or pleasuring each other.
- Be open to more than just intercourse. Good sex also involves kissing, cuddling, slow touching, massage, and talking together in bed.
- Don't feel pressures
Allowing yourself to be spoiled is one of the best things about a professional session. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it's worth making the effort.
Tip #3: Consent is for everyone. Always ask, and don't be afraid to say 'no'.
Sexual consent is the process whereby everyone agrees on what you do together in the bedroom.
It applies whether you’re giving someone a hug or a head job. When spending time with an escort, it’s important to know that you’re allowed to say ‘no’ to anything…and so are they.
We often forget about this stuff. When we’re nervous, we sometimes ‘go with the flow’ and don’t speak up, for fear of ruining the mood. This can go wrong during a regular date, where we may find ourselves doing things we don’t enjoy, because we’re not sure how to say ‘no.’ It’s especially frustrating when you’re paying – not only does it feel uncomfortable, you’re wasting your money on activities you don't even enjoy!
You can say no to anything. Just because you’ve booked an escort doesn’t mean sex is mandatory! Just because you’ve started having sex with them doesn’t mean you have to keep going. And if you’re interested in a particular type of sex, or you like things done a certain way, you’re allowed to ask.
Some examples of asking for what you want:
- "I really love having my back stroked, would you do that for me?"
- "I'd love to fuck you right now. Are you down for that?"
- "Are you into spanking? Can we try it out?"
And here are some ways to say 'no':
- "Actually, I'm not ready for sexy stuff yet. Can we make out for a while?"
- "Sorry, I need to take a break and catch my breath."
- "Let's stop and talk for a bit."
- "This position isn't working for me...let's try something else instead."
A good escort will ask what you’re looking for and be respectful of your boundaries. They will also respect your ‘no’ regardless of why you're saying it.
Your escort also has a right to say ‘no’. Although you’re paying, they're still a human being with their own likes and dislikes. Unless you ask, you won't know whether you're doing the things they enjoy.
Georgie says: "I like to ask, 'How does that feel?' at intervals during sex; it gives my partners an opportunity to let me know if there’s anything that’s not working for them. If they look uncomfortable or don’t answer, I stop and discuss things further before we continue."
It’s everyone’s job to do consent. Your escort should check in with you regularly to make sure you're comfortable, and you should also be checking with your escort.
Okay ladies, go get ‘em!
How are you feeling so far? Are you ready to get started?
If you're still working up the courage to book an escort, you might benefit from reading more about the experience. You can read my articles for beginners here.
Like all sexual encounters, making an effort pays off. The more you do your research beforehand...the better you get at asking for and receiving pleasure...the more you talk with your playmate about what you do and don't enjoy...the better your experience will be.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.