Have you seen the movie ‘Get Him to the Greek’?
In this classic comedy, Russell Brand plays a spoiled rock star. At the start of the movie he’s at home with his mum, his agent, and the record company rep who is trying to convince him to attend his next gig. Everyone around the big star is terrified of pissing him off because he's their meal ticket. So they all stand there, agreeing no matter what he says.
It illustrated a problem face by many escort clients. When you need feedback from someone you’re paying to provide you with a service, how can you ensure you get an honest reply?
Of course, when it comes to seeing escorts, feedback isn’t compulsory. There’s nothing wrong with having fun and spoiling yourself – getting your needs met is one of the benefits of seeing escorts. You’re learning new things even if you’re not specifically trying, simply through play and practice.
You may occasionally want constructive criticism from your escort. I meet a lot of clients who are looking to improve their skills, learn something new or get better at interacting with their sexual partners.
Escorts can be a great way to learn, in an environment that’s a lot safer than dates with strangers. But getting specific feedback can be difficult. In an industry where one wrong word from an escort could mean losing future bookings, getting the right information is very tricky indeed.
Problem #1: Your escort doesn’t want to lose you.
It’s unfair to put someone in a position where being honest might lose them business. If you ask, ‘how can I improve my oral skills?’ or ‘is my level of pre-booking communication appropriate?’ we may be afraid to answer honestly for fear of offending you.
Advice such as, ‘you need to clean your teeth better’ or ‘you need to work on your kissing technique’ might be hard to hear. If you react to this feedback by never seeing us again, you're punishing us even though we've given you exactly what you asked for.
People often say, 'it's okay I won't take it personally' but in fact there's no way to be sure you won't react badly. Often, it's safer to keep our criticisms to ourselves.
Problem #2: You need reassurance, not feedback.
If you feel insecure about your body, personality or bedroom abilities, it might be tempting to ask, ‘How am I doing?’ in the hopes of receiving praise. Make no mistake, us escorts know how to read you – and if we suspect you’re looking for an ego boost then we won’t give you constructive criticism, no matter how many times you ask.
Genuine feedback rarely feels like a compliment – it feels like a hard truth. Do you really want to learn, or do you just want to feel like you’re a god in the bedroom? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the latter – that’s why escorts exist! If what you really feel like is a sexy, self-indulgent session with your escort telling you how great you are, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If this is the case, don’t ask for feedback – or make it clear that you’re only looking for positives, not negatives.
Problem #3: You’re doing well, and we want to tell you so.
Often when a client is insecure about their performance, they don’t have anything to worry about. A lot of people – particularly guys – judge themselves very harshly in the bedroom. When I say, ‘You’re great, I enjoy this!’ clients may be suspicious that I’m ‘ass kissing’. But the truth is, most of you are doing just fine. If you ask for feedback and get praise instead, don’t be too quick to assume we’re making it up.
Problem #4: Everyone’s opinion is different.
…And then keep in mind that everyone is different – what you learn with one person may not work for the next. This applies to literally everything – conversation, oral sex, touch, boundaries, communication and ways of doing business. Any opinions offered are the opinion of one escort only. If you treat what we say as the absolute truth, you’re going to come unstuck as soon as you spend time with someone else who doesn’t see things the same way.
So, how can you get the feedback you need?
Firstly, understand that not every escort is available for an ‘educational’ session. I love them – I love teaching new skills because I feel like I’m really helping my clients to grow as people. But it’s best to ask first – include your request as part of the initial booking email. Say something like, “Do you do the sort of session where you can give feedback and teach me to be better at sex? I’d like to learn, and I’d love some specific pointers. I’m open to constructive criticism.”
Second – make sure you want what you’re asking for. As I said earlier, there’s a big difference between asking for praise and asking for feedback. Either option is totally legitimate.
Thirdly, consider how much you might be able to learn without even asking. A lot of skills are developed through play and experimentation. Look for signs such as body language, for example, to tell whether you’re pleasing your partner. Experiment with different types of dates and find out what works for you.
One last piece of advice? Don’t be afraid to call it quits if you’re struggling or feeling anxious or inadequate. Say, “I thought I wanted to hear this, but I’m not feeling great about it now.” Or “I feel like that was good feedback, let’s just have some fun now.” The more we know about how you’re feeling, the more considerate we can be of what you need in the moment.
Then you’ll be on your way to becoming a real client superstar.
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My guide 'Getting Started with Escorts' explains how to arrange a session with a hands-on sex worker.