We asked experienced clients to share their advice. Here's what they said.
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We asked experienced clients to share their advice. Here's what they said.

Georgie Wolf
Georgie Wolf

Learning the etiquette of the sex industry is a tricky process...and it's something most new clients do alone.

Even in places where sex work is decriminalised, there's still stigma. It's difficult to find someone to talk to - about sex, about escorts, any of it. And thanks to laws like SESTA/FOSTA, comprehensive information isn't often available online.

If you're considering paying a professional, you might be feeling a little lost. There are so many details to booking and spending time with escorts that need to be worked out!

You may have all sorts of worries on your mind, such as:

  • What to say when you try to arrange a booking with a worker
  • How to choose someone who will treat you well
  • Whether you're going to do or say something wrong, and look silly
  • Perhaps you wonder whether it's even worth the effort

Luckily, there are still ways we can come together, create community, and talk about sex work. Social media platforms such as Twitter have been invaluable for clients and workers alike. We can share our experiences, talk about what is and isn't working for us, and support each other when things aren't going well.

Recently, I asked experienced clients on Twitter to share their advice for new escort clients.


The results where overwhelming. Hundreds of clients contributed to the thread, offering kind and useful advice that they wish they'd known when they started out.

Disclaimer:
This advice comes from Australia, the USA, the UK, and other places around the world. Customs and laws may vary depending on your location, so please use your own judgement when putting it into practice.

Doing your research really pays off

Firstly, here's a really obvious piece of advice. Dozens of experienced punters highlighted the importance of doing your research before booking an escort.

After all, if you haven't read an escort's advertisement thoroughly, how will you know what to expect when they show up at your door? Research saves disappointment, and allows you to make the booking process smooth by following their instructions.

  • Be clear about the kind of person you're looking for
  • Read an escort's advertisement and website thoroughly
  • Pay attention to screening and deposit requirements
  • Find workers on Twitter, then research then further
  • Research until you decide you trust them
  • Knowing their rates, services, etc, means you won't ask any dumb questions
  • Choose someone experienced and established
  • Spending time on research helps you guarantee a good connection


Choose an escort with a rate that works for you...and don't haggle

One of the nicest aspects to booking an independent escort is that they offer a range of rates and prices. If you live in a decent-sized city or town, you'll usually be able to find someone who fits your budget.

Many experts advised against trying to bargain an escort's prices down - it will only annoy them, and even if you end up seeing them, you'll usually receive a bad service.

  • Never haggle a worker's rates
  • Make sure you've researched them so you know their prices beforehand
  • High prices don't equal what's best for you
  • Gift or tip them after the session

Screening isn't optional...it's essential

An escort will often request screening details, such as your identification, your work phone number, or references from workers you've seen in the past. They might also require a deposits - a percentage of the booking fee paid in advance.

Many clients worry about giving over their person details or handing over money before the session...but for most sex workers, this process is non-negotiable.

  • Deposits and screening information are non-negotiable
  • Read ads beforehand so you know what's required
  • Ask if they'd like a deposit
  • Don't share references until you're committed to booking, so that other workers aren't contacted unnecessarily
  • Have screening details pre-prepared and stored on your phone, for convenience

Good communication makes for a better experience

Let's face it: most of us aren't very good at talking about sex. We feel shy, or embarrassed, or ashamed. Combine that with the anxiety of a new situation - now knowing what to say or do when speaking with an escort for the first time - and there's a lot of potential for things to go wrong!

Experienced clients emphasised the importance of being a good communicator. From the first enquiry to the bedroom, talking about what you need makes for a much more enjoyable session.

  • Tell them about yourself when you get in touch - your interest, hobbies, and dreams (not your appearance)
  • Admit it's your first time
  • In the bedroom, only say yes to things you understand
  • Be honest about what you're looking for - don't surprise them with it in the booking
  • Follow the provider's instructions at all times and ask if you're not sure what to do next

Take care of your hygiene and personal presentation

This one sounds obvious, but it's often overlooked. When it's time to meet your escort in person, many experienced clients recommend paying careful attention to your presentation and cleanliness.

  • Make an effort to present yourself well, it will be appreciated
  • Wash your butt, balls, and armpits (and shave too, if possible)
  • Clean hands are essential before sexy play
  • Clean your teeth and use mouthwash
  • Always take a shower, when it's offered to you at the start of a session

Having the right attitude matters too

Some of the most heartfelt advice from clients was all about getting your head in the right place.

From trust, honesty and appreciation, to being aware of your own feelings and desires, you simply can't go past a headspace check-in! Does any of the advice below feel useful for you?

  • Approach your experience with trust and honesty
  • Trust your gut - if something doesn't feel right, it's okay to walk away
  • Understand that you're buying time, not sex
  • Appreciate the kindness you receive and reciprocate it in full
  • Be aware that your desires might change over time, and that's okay
  • Learn the value of intimacy - it makes sex much more enjoyable

How to educate yourself further

Looking for in-depth information? Some clients (and a few providers, too) made suggestions on where to go to learn more.

  • Read my quick-start guide 'Getting Started with Escorts'
  • Listen to some escort-run podcasts (links below!)
  • Ask experienced escorts for their advice



Above all, treat your escort with kindness and respect

The most common - and most popular - advice was simply to treat your escort with respect.

By following their procedures, being polite, respecting their boundaries and showing appreciation, you're going to demonstrate that you're a client worth hanging onto.

  • Treat your escort the way you want to be treated
  • Be a gentleman - polite, and with good manners
  • Remember that they're professionals
  • Stick to their boundaries and honour their dos/don'ts
  • Follow their instructions and requests
  • Being kind and respectful matters more than what you look like

Here's some final encouragement from experienced clients

I really enjoyed seeing experienced clients offer their support and encouragement.

The consensus was, the faster you can get past your fear and embarrassment,  the faster you can get on with enjoying yourself.

Here's what clients had to say:

  • "You're not a bad person."
  • "Have courage and give it a go - you won't regret it!"
  • "Don't feel embarrassed."
  • "Enjoy seeing someone that you wouldn't normally have the chance to spend time with."

Are you an experienced client with more advice to add? Visit me on Twitter, I'd love to hear from you.