A male escort client wearing a suit writes a list of sexual activities he enjoys before his sex work session.
When it comes to hiring an escort, it's good to plan ahead...but beware planning too much!

Are you a bedroom micromanager? You could be missing out.

Georgie Wolf
Georgie Wolf

Do you ever find yourself worrying over every little detail of your escort booking?

Seeing sex workers can be expensive, so it’s understandable that you’d be anxious about the details. This might include picking the right shirt to wear, finding the best restaurant, and making sure you’re well-rested for the evening’s festivities.

Aside from all that preparation, you might also be worrying about the date itself – what you’ll talk about, how many times you’ll have sex, and whether everything will happen the way you’ve been fantasising.

When you see a sex worker, the stakes are high – and we all want things to turn out right. But it’s essential to resist micromanaging your date. Like being an anxious boss, trying to control every aspect of your sexual encounter could ruin genuine enjoyment… for both yourself and your escort.

The dangers of micromanaging

Often, new escort clients assume that seeing a sex worker is all about simply paying for sex. Like a trip to the grocery store, they think they should dictate every aspect of the experience….and that they’ll be able to squeeze anything and everything they want into one short session. But sex doesn’t work this way! It’s not like ticking items off a shopping list, and you can’t fit everything in your trolley at once.

This is the problem with micromanaging: when you’re worrying, you’re not concentrating on what’s happening in the moment. All the best aspects of an escort encounter – flirting, eye contact, getting comfortable, genuine intimacy – can only flourish once we relax and let things happen naturally.

If you try to squeeze every last bit of effort from your worker, or get distracted by trying to plan every moment, you’re missing out on building a connection and allowing us to do our job: giving you an experience that you’ll remember for years to come.

For escorts, getting sexy with someone who has a ‘shopping list mentality’ is exhausting – there’s often pressure to cycle through as many sexual positions as possible, often with someone who is looking at the clock anxiously every few minutes, trying to decide if there will be time to fit in a second round. The situation can be similarly tense during the social part of a date. If my companion is so concerned about doing everything on time that they are looking at their watch every five minutes, it means we’re often not able to enjoy our social interaction.

Put down the shopping list - there's a better way.

A good sex work session isn’t about ticking every box. Rather, it’s about letting things happen in such a way that they feel natural and comfortable, so that everyone genuinely enjoys themselves.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t ask for what you want. I love it when a client is honest about their needs! Saying, “I’d love to make out with you right now” or “Would you like to try something new?” is a great way to let your partner know what you’re interested in.

But there’s a huge difference between asking for the stuff you really want in the moment, and rushing from one activity to the next. The first approach means taking the time to savour something you both want to do together… the second ensures you’ll never really enjoy anything, because you’re too busy worrying about what happens next.

Relax, let go, and be open to the experience, whatever it may be. The more you forget about the script and concentrate on what feels right, the more likely you are to experience connection, pleasure, and great sex.